On talking to people that are different

I float around a pretty liberal crowd (shocking, I know), so I’m used to operating in an inclusive space. Unfortunately, that’s not the same for everyone. Fortunately, our society is slowly coming around to embracing differences and erring on the side of inclusion.


There’s still plenty of shitty people in the world.

I’ve noticed there’s a lot of discussion on the interwebz about how much all of this inclusion can confuse the people in our society.

I’m not entirely ignorant, I know that approaching someone that looks/sounds/smells different from you can cause some anxiety if you’re used to existing in a lovely, homogenous, little bubble.

So I made this handy dandy little comic to help you out. It doesn’t cover all the bases; it’s more of a Getting Started Guide for you to use going forward.

I got you.

be a decent person

Generic trail mix is the worst

Let’s talk about snacking for a hot second.

I love snacks. Okay, really I just love eating. Eating is my jam. So most times of the day you can find me close to a meal or a snack. I have a solid rotation of healthy (or healthyish) snacks that I turn to and one such snack is trail mix.

I don’t mean to be a brand snob but I rock the Planters Nut & Fruit Trail Mix on the regular. It’s a pretty classic trail mix; the kind your momma used to make you. Or the kind you made for yourself in bulk as a college student when you when spent your summer at a stage combat  workshop and needed to take in like 3000 calories a day because helloooo flailing a broadsword and shield around all day is no easy feat my friend.

It’s not trying to be a cool super healthy trail mix that doesn’t have any sweets. It’s a relatively healthy snack, better for you than chips, and provides some healthy fats and energy. It’s not one of the “less peanuts” versions because peanuts are a high-fat nut and everybody is mad at them and almonds are all the rage for nut butter or whatever.

Recently, I wasn’t able to buy the standard Planters fair (Oh Costco and Target have good ones too) and was relegated to buy the store brand at the crappy market by my house.

To sum it up: basically my life is the worst right now with this stupid trail mix. I don’t want to be super wasteful so I just keep eating it. I’m mad because it’s turned my two-step trail mix eating process into a three-step process which also is basically the worst.

Let’s break it down.trailmixx

I typically sort my trail mix serving into two piles. The M&Ms in one pile and the rest of the trail mix in the other. This allows me to grab one small handful of the “other” pile at a time, mixing in an M&M every handful or so to keep it exciting. This also makes sure that I have at least a tiny pile of M&Ms at the end. Because really, I’m only eating the trail mix as an excuse to pretend I’m healthy while eating M&Ms.

Yes, I know I have disordered eating tendencies. No, this is not the only example. Let’s just move right along.

  1. The nuts and other bits. Some nuts. Some raisins. Pretty standard fare trail mix sort of things happening. There’s more of this stuff than chocolate, per the rules of trail mix, but you really kind of just gave up here, didn’t you, generic trail mix maker? I mean sure, all I really want is the peanuts but you’re supposed to add in some almonds are cashews or something so I can feel better about it.
  2. The chocolate. I want to say M&Ms because no trial mix is complete without M&Ms but this is store brand so you know these aren’t M&Ms. These are like, “chocolate coated candies” or some shit. They’re not winning any chocolate awards (are those a thing?) but they’re acceptable. That’ll do, pig.
  3. The seeds. Holy seeds, Batman. You’ll notice in the picture that there is a pile of seeds, #3, and that there are also seeds in pile #1. Why are there also seeds in pile #1? Because this is the correct ratio of seeds to trail mix. This is the pile that I will allow to mix with my chocolate coated candies. Why is there an entire pile of seeds otherwise? Because WHY ARE THERE SO MANY SEEDS IN THIS BAG?!? Look, maybe you’re trying to make your “Sweet & Salty” mix look cooler since you didn’t throw in almonds, or maybe the person in charge of approving this mix is really into seeds, or maybe you just said “Let’s rain down on them with seeds. SEEEEEEEEEDS.” I don’t know what your deal is but I’m over it, generic trail mix. I’m still eating a large portion of this mix because I don’t want to be wasteful but what in the actual anything am I supposed to do with a leftover carton of sunflower seeds? Sprinkle them around when I take the dog out for a walk like I’m Johnny Sunflowerseed? Bag them up and take them to a food pantry? WHAT, I ask you. WHAT do you expect me to do with this nonsense?

I can’t even with you right now, generic trail mix. You continue to force me to pay extra for my pre-mixed bag of things I could totally mix together myself if I wasn’t so damn lazy.

You’re ruining my life.

Does anyone want some seeds?


Actual Real Life – Episode 4: Texts With Dad

Although we’re buds now, my father and I didn’t always have the best relationship growing up. In fact, I’m pretty sure I said less than two paragraphs worth of words to him from approximately 13 to 17. And yet, in spite of the lack of communication during my teenage years, I managed to turn into a person that, at times, bears a striking resemble to my dad. And sometimes, just in case I’ve forgotten, a moment comes along to remind me.

Suffice it to say, I get my overarching sarcasm from both of my parents, but I get my dry sense of humor and my deadpan from my dad.

For better or worse.


Fitspo is dumb

Oh fitspo, the cool mashup word that’s been all the rage in online fitness circles. In case you’re not good at being hip, fitspo = fitness inspiration. Well, theoretically it does. And okay, I’m sure some people find these entirely motivating and not the least bit damaging, but I’m not a fan of the messages.

With messages about never giving up and pushing through the pain, and with phrases like “strong is the new skinny”, fitspo can be a little pushy. When those messages are then paired with images of headless fitness models, flat stomachs, and asses without cellulite, it gets overwhelming pretty fast. I understand the idea of pushing yourself and wanting to be better, but the constant barrage of the body parts of “ideal” women juxtaposed the inspiration not to give up is telling me things I’m not interested in hearing.

You can have this flat stomach if you just work harder.

You can be this skinny if you just work harder.

Eat better. Train harder.

Skinny is sexy. Strong is sexy. Fitness is about being sexy. Always make sure you’re sexy and desirable to other people.

I’m pretty over fitspo.

And I’m not the only one.

In the great technology age where women and men alike are constantly being reminded of what the perfect body looks like and how we should all be working toward that, fitspo can often do more harm than good. You may never have a flat stomach or buns of steel. These bodies we idolize are the result of specific eating patterns, exercise patterns, and genetics. The frames and the shapes of these bodies may not even resemble yours in the slightest. And that’s a good thing because we weren’t all meant to look the same.

What the hell is with separating women from their body parts anyway? I am more than my stomach. I am more than my ass. I am a person, I am working on me every single day, and I do not deserve to be boiled down into one body part as a reference for my level of fitness or my sex appeal.

I will no longer let a stranger’s flat stomach be my personal motivation.

I will probably never have a six-pack and I will always have cellulite. I can’t eat an incredibly restricted diet because it is both mentally and physically taxing for me, in ways that aren’t healthy.

I won’t work out for hours a day because my family, sleep, and my DVR are all important to me. I’m going to eat chicken wings and drink beer and get that big container at the frozen yogurt place. And I’m going to do these things guilt-free because I enjoy them and because I know I work hard to eat healthy often and exercise when I can. I won’t ever have the fitness industry’s perfect body but I can learn to appreciate my own. I can figure out where healthy habits and a healthy self-image meet to make the body in which I am most comfortable. I’m happier with that.

And so, I created my own alternative images to fitspo (click on the images to get the bigger versions).

5 6 4 3 2 1

We could all use some more love and kindness in our lives. Be good to your body. Be kind to your body. Love yourself. Love yourself no matter what you look like, no matter how many pounds you want to lose, no matter how many cookies you ate with dinner. Be your biggest fan instead of your worst enemy.

Try to be the happiest and healthiest version of you that you can be, whatever that looks like. And encourage others to do the same. Think of all of the things that your body can do today and think about how great those things are.

Be good to your body, it’s the only one you have; and treat yourself with kindness to encourage others to do the same.

You are more than a quote over a body part.

You are awesome. Just as you are. Today. Right now.

And one more, for good measure, because I see you over there, looking all good…


Failventures: frozen Greek yogurt

Greek yogurt is kind of a big deal these days. Everyone with an interest in healthy eating is all about Greek yogurt. And — unlike other hip health foods — it’s not totally disgusting (I’m looking at you, coconut water). It’s chock full of protein, incredibly filling, and you could try a new Greek yogurt recipe every day for the rest of your life and still not try them all.

Peoples be loving the Greek yogurt.

So, as a person with an obsession for frozen yogurt and a desire to eat healthier whenever I can, I’ve dabbled a bit in using Greek yogurt to make my own frozen yogurt concoctions at home. Some of them are great (peanut butter yogurt omnomnom) and some of them… well some of them are failventures…

>> cue swipe graphic

After stalking Pinterest for my standard 500 hours a week, I had two brilliant ideas I decided to tackle. Watermelon frozen yogurt and chocolate frozen yogurt.

They sound delicious, right?!

IMG_7279Re: Watermelon

There’s a zillion recipes online that call for mixing some variant of a Jello powder (or Jello) with Greek yogurt.

Re: Chocolate

There’s a zillion recipes online that call for mixing Nesquik with Greek yogurt.

The interesting thing about both of these is that it seems people on specific diets (South Beach, maybe?) and diabetics have a lot of input. They’re big on making these two things happen in a sugar-free kind of way. I have no interest in using either sugar-free Jello or sugar-free Nesquik.

Sugar-free is not my jam. I’ll occasionally get down with sugar-free if it’s sweetened with Stevia but even then it’s a stretch. I eat regular, wild and crazy, white sugar. I know that as far as the blogging world is concerned sugar is basically the devil and whatever, but I’m fine with sugar. To a certain point. I’m not going to be eating your “fruit flavored” yogurt with 32 grams of sugar in it. Hard pass. But sugar in moderation is fine by me. I’m not a fan of fake sweeteners and I have no reason to use them because I have no dietary restrictions regarding sugar.


So anyway, if you take a gander online you can find a plethora of recipes for both strategies. Some people mix other things in, some people use actual Jello instead of the packet, some people cook the Jello or Nesquik powder with water before mixing, some people wear the containers on their heads as tiny hats (you do you, bro). There’s a lot of suggestions and I decided that since I’m not particularly fancy I would go ahead and keep it simple. I was just going to mix the powders into the Greek yogurt.

Not the same Greek yogurt. That would be weird.

And so…

I used one container of Greek yogurt because I didn’t want to make a bunch of either flavor and end up throwing a bunch out. I have a knack for making too much of stuff only when it’s really gross.

Then, because the internet can’t agree on any guidelines here, I made up my own numbers (#idowhatiwant). I mixed 3 oz of Greek yogurt with ½ tbsp of watermelon Jello powder, then did the same with the Nesquik.IMG_7295IMG_7300

I really wanted to make popsicles but apparently the world doesn’t make popsicle molds that I can buy out in the world anymore, so I took over one of our ice trays. I let the yogurt cubes sit in the freezer for one episode of The Daily Show and two episodes of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt before giving them a whirl.

Fun fact: ice trays and frozen yogurt don’t quite mix. To get the yogurt cubes out I maybe had to use a very sharp knife and maybe almost broke the ice tray and maybe almost stabbed myself.

IMG_7318I tried the chocolate and David tried the watermelon.

It occurs to me that I didn’t actually need to freeze them before trying the flavor and I could’ve saved myself a lot of trouble had I thought of this prior to right now.


The chocolate tasted mostly like bitter and plain Greek yogurt but sometimes with chocolate hints. For a non-sugar-free chocolate powder it sure tasted pretty unsugar-y. It wasn’t good enough to eat another one (or to make more) but it also wasn’t so bad that I didn’t finish it.

The watermelon tasted like bitter watermelon powder. David said I could try it if I wanted, but I decided just to take his word for it. He then spit out what he was eating and left the rest to melt in the sink. The rest will be melted along with the remaining chocolate bits. Too bad chocolate and Jello aren’t good for dogs. Chewy would love these things…

So basically, they were both gross and I’m glad I only wasted one container of Greek yogurt on the experiment. I’m also glad I gave it a whirl. The peanut butter Greek yogurt experiment was a resounding success in this household and I just know there’s more ways I can turn this tub of probiotics into delicious desserts.

I think I might try an actual recipe line-by-line for one of these things some day when I’m ready to get back on the frozen Greek yogurt cubes horse again but I think I’m going to need some time to recover.

And by recover, I mean stuff my face with the professionally-made frozen Greek yogurt in my fridge (with lots of chocolate chips and maybe some coconut flakes).

Actual Real Life – Episode 3: The Bra Store

This past weekend, David and I decided to adventure to the nearby outlet mall for the first time. With some sunshine and a slight breeze, it was a great opportunity for us to get to know this cute little gem near our newest home. Most of the stores are pretty useless to us but there’s a solid amount of athletic apparel stores (Reebok! be still my heart) and some shoes stores (Converse!) that we’re certain to be visiting again.

bloomers-brasWhile we were strolling around I noticed there were quite a few bra/underwear stores for women. Not the sexy kind like Victoria’s Secret or Frederick’s, just regular undergarment stores. I decided that it couldn’t hurt to stop in and see if I could find a new bra.

It’s important to note here that I buy my bras online because I have such small boobs. I can never find my size in stores.

I used to hate my boobs and my friends used to make fun of me for being “flat-chested” but I’ve come to a place in my life where I really love my body (most days). And that includes having small breasts. It took me a long time to get to that point. As recent as six years ago I was daydreaming about breast augmentation. I’m happy I never followed through with that.

I’m average height but have a small frame and the rest of my features fall in line with that. I think I still look super cute in low cut tops and bikinis. Also, sleeping on my chest and running are both way easier without weighty boobs to contend with.

That said, there was some incredulous staring followed by quite a bit of laughter after an exchange with David at the bra store this weekend. As a certified Guy Who Gives Zero Fucks, he doesn’t concern himself with how things sound before he says them out loud…


Disclaimer: Lest anyone that doesn’t know him think less of my husband, it’s important to point out that he was asking a genuine question. Just… poorly. He knows my bras are small but never knew the exact size, and has no complaints (only commendations) about any of his wife’s bits and bobbles.


To my fellow white friends, confused by rioting

I’ve spent a lot of time trying to digest the Baltimore riots, the recent riots before them, and the political and social atmosphere that built them all.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking “I don’t understand” and trying to understand in spite of myself.

But that’s just it. I don’t understand. I won’t understand. I will never, ever understand what it means to be a person of color in the United States. I will never be a victim of institutionalized racism. When I do something wrong, people don’t assume the worst. I’m a white female. I have the privilege of getting the benefit of the doubt when I make mistakes.

The Frustration-Aggression Theory argues that frustration, when it cannot be displaced, leads to aggression. Without a means to deal with it, the aggression can turn to violence. Against people, against objects, against any conquerable target.

  • A woman constantly mistreated at the only job she can find in her town might go home and hit her child when he starts to cry.
  • A group of people oppressed by the institutions built to protect them, unable to see a way out from under the struggle, might start to riot.

This is about Freddie Gray and it’s bigger than Freddie Gray. This is a class problem. This is a race problem. This is our problem and we need to talk about it. No matter how uncomfortable it makes us feel.

So just consider, white friends, while you’re wondering why people are burning cars and looting stores, that it’s okay not to understand. It’s okay to admit that you don’t understand. Because you really don’t.

But it’s not okay to be silent. It’s not okay to take a back seat when people of color in this country have been so broken by oppression that they are reduced to acts of violence and anger. It’s not just one person. It’s entire communities. Communities that are hurting. Communities that need hope. Communities that deserve change.

Stand up and make a difference. Fight for justice and for equality. Challenge your country to be better.

You have the privilege to be silent, but that doesn’t mean you should be.

White silence = white consent.



Healthy eating hack: eat some baby food

The thing about vegetables is that they’re stupid. They’re basically the worst.

GoGo Squeez (nom nom nom)
GoGo Squeez (nom nom nom)

Well okay, not all vegetables. Acceptable vegetables: potatoes, peppers, onions cucumbers, tomatoes, cauliflower (only when it’s pretending to be mashed potatoes) some lettuces. That’s all I got.

I’ve never been a huge fan of vegetables. Fruit always gets my vote. Fruit just tastes better. I’ve tried a million experiments with vegetables and I just can’t get excited about them if they’re not on my acceptable vegetables list.

Health and fitness bloggers always be like OMG THESE KALE CHIPS ARE SO GOOD.

You know what’s gross? Kale chips. You know what’s delicious? Actual chips (also, plantain chips are pretty ballin).

So the point here is that I’m a friggen adult and I know I’m supposed to eat my stupid vegetables. I can’t spend the rest of my life just eating peppers and potatoes. I mean, I totally could but I might get sick of them. I’m a creature of habit so the chances of me getting sick of peppers is unlikely but I don’t like to press my luck. Then my Chipotle burrito bowl would be down one ingredient and I can’t have that.

My solution? Eating like a toddler.

You know who shares my veggie hate? Toddlers. They get it. They know vegetables are stupid, too. So parents trick them into eating them. They give them soups with hidden vegetables, pasta made out of vegetables, and these gems…

Vegetable and fruit sauce. I don’t know if that’s what these are actually called. It always sounds weird to say “vegetable sauce” and saying “vegetable and fruit sauce” basically takes forever.

I remember talking to my friend Page about this healthy eating tip a while ago. I don’t remember if she brought it up or I did or where the idea came from (somewhere on the internet to be sure) but we both agreed it sounded like something worth trying. A woman always on the go and in need of an easy/tasty way to get more vegetables in her life?

Veggie and fruit sauce!

just a sleepy morning trying to meet USDA guidelines
just a sleepy morning trying to meet USDA guidelines

I love eating these things. I get extra veggies in my day. The veggies are mixed with fruit so I’m not just eating green bean sauce (ew) or whatever. They’re shelf stable so I can take them with me on long trips or when I’ll be out for a while (although I think they taste better refrigerated). There’s multiple flavors so I don’t get bored. They aren’t full of crazy additives. The pouches are fun colors.

Fine, the color of the pouches doesn’t really matter but who doesn’t want more color in their life?

When I first started eating them I tried to sneak ’em so no one would see. Now? I have no qualms. It’s not like the pouches are full of breast milk. That might be weird. But no, it’s just me eating a pouch full of fruits and veggies (and lemon juice) mooshed together. There’s no shame in my vegetable hack game.

Pro tip: the GoGo Squeez are the best. I’ve tried at least half a dozen brands; some are way too sweet and some are just super gross. Whether you’re buying these for yourself or for a picky toddler, I recommend GoGo Squeez all the way. Just be strong and try to ignore the unnecessarily misspelled brand name (it’s tough, I know).

So go on and eat some toddler food. Eat your vegetable pasta and grab yourself a box of these little sauce pouches. I would say you won’t regret it but I don’t know, you might. It might get weird for you. You might start to question your other life choices. You might start drinking formula. I just don’t know. I can’t predict the future.

22 days to move 500 miles

Around this time two months ago I had my first interview for a new position.

Around this time one month ago I was packing up to move.

And now? I’m 500 miles away from the place I called home for 11 years. Welcome to New Hampshire. Live free or die! (No pressure.)

In a matter of two months almost everything in my life changed and I would be lying if I said it wasn’t nerve-wracking.

63366David and I have been talking about packing up and leaving Virginia since we met. At times we would consider the possibilities of buying a house, settling in, and staying in Virginia for the next 5-10 years. It would mean staying in Virginia longer than we wanted but the stability and the familiarity were appealing.

As our professional lives evolved (see: multiple layoffs) and we hopped from one rental to another before moving in with family (see: broke) it became clear that staying in Virginia was just not an option.

A friend asked me before we left what I would miss about living in the area and I couldn’t say our friends and family. I didn’t have anything to stay. The traffic, the cost of living, the live-to-work mentality, the huge population, the suburban sprawl, these aren’t things I will miss. I didn’t have anything to say except the people. We have an amazing network of people we love and that’s what I knew I would (and do) miss.

Obviously, the longer we’re here the more we have the opportunity to compare this place to where we lived previously. I’ll be honest and say that there are things we realize about the city we’re renting in that make it clear we won’t be this city permanently but we’re also having fun getting to know the surrounding cities. And we’re happier here. It’s not perfect and I never expected it to be. But it fits.

moving-dayI think something shifted for me around my birthday last year. The excitement over the wedding was long gone, my name last name was back to what I wanted, I had changed jobs multiple times due to layoffs, and I celebrated my birthday by shaving my head to fund research for cures to childhood cancers.

There was so much tumult in my life and I spent the morning of my birthday trying to do something to help children struggling with much bigger things than I was. Then I rolled around DC with a shaved head. I kayaked and went out for pizza with my husband and our friend, and later went out for my favorite cuisine (Mexican – real or fake) with family. All day I just felt so simply good and refreshed.

I can’t even count how many times since my birthday I thought “This isn’t where I belong.” If you’ve never felt that feeling – and I don’t mean in a group of people but in your life or in your day – then it’s kind of hard to explain. It’s this feeling in the pit of your stomach telling you something needs to change.

I was ready to go.

So I did.

The interview process for my current job took place entirely via phone and Skype (and writing prompts via email) which was fantastically convenient. When the job offer came I accepted without hesitation. The job was right, I got along well with the team, the offer was great, and I knew I was accepting a job with an intentionally-recognized company. I was excited to move to New England. I was ready and I said “yes.” David and I drove up amidst a snow storm for a whirlwind weekend of apartment hunting in a city that doesn’t offer much in the way of dog-friendly housing. We applied for an apartment and found out we got the place on our drive back up.

newhampshire-stampThere was just over three weeks between the offer and the day we moved. It was barely any time at all although the stress of it made it feel like the move would never come. It’s been almost a month since our move and the time has flown by. We’ve settled in, unpacked most of the boxes, found local hangouts we like, and started trying to find new friends.

This move brought me and David ten steps closer to the life we want. We see each other more, we relax more, we experience more, and we explore more. We’re doing more with our lives and we’re happier here. We miss the hell out of our family and friends (your invitations to visit never expire!) but other than that, it’s pretty easy to see we made the right move.

I lived in Upstate New York for 16 years before my dad moved the family to Virginia. I was so angry with my parents for moving. I didn’t want to leave everything and everyone I knew.

And now, 11 years after that first move I actively chose to leave everything and almost everyone I know again. But this time I’m not angry.

I’m excited.

It’s okay if you can’t come to my party

Facebook event created. People invited. Acceptances and excited notes start pouring in.

And then the declines.

“Sorry I can’t make it I already have plans to go bass fishing with my third cousin that day.”

“I have the exact same event for a completely different person otherwise I would totally be there.”

“We’ll try to make it but since our dog’s cello recital is that afternoon we’ll have to play it by ear.”

I feel like I’ve heard multiple speeches and read multiple blog posts about learning to say “no” and I feel like we’re not talking about the whole story. You need to say no to things so that you can maintain a better life balance and so you don’t give your whole self to other people and so you can just be happy and somesuch and someother.

grumpy_cat__nope_by_imwithstoopid13-d624kvlGreat. Say no. And just leave it at that.

I don’t need your excuses. And I don’t mean that in the shitty way where I roll my eyes and place strong emphasis on the words “need” and “excuses.” I mean it like some high school teacher of mine used to try to explain that there’s a difference between excuses and reasons but really they’re the same thing except one has a negative connotation from all of the times we use it to make people feed bad.

You don’t owe me an explanation. Unless you’re canceling for a reason that I – as your very best friend in the world – would like to know about then it doesn’t really matter to me. If you’re visiting a sick family member, for instance, I would like to know about it so that I can send you my condolences and offer you help if I can. And okay that particular instance would be really awkward to put on a Facebook event page per my original example but you can still send me a message privately.

I’m just going to say this definitively for anyone I ever invite to anything (almost anyone, David): Just say no. Maybe giving me a specific reason makes you feel less guilty for not coming to my party but I get it. We aren’t a bunch of 17 year-olds with no real plans except getting high in basements. We’re adults now and we’re busy. You have friends that don’t travel in the same circles. You have a project you need to finish for work. You have children that need to go to baseball practice. You have things to do and so do I and I get that.

You don’t have to give me a reason because your reason doesn’t really matter. What matters is that I’m going to order pizza around 8PM and I’m going to need to budget for the right number of pizzas.

I obviously want you to come to my party. I invited you because I like you. But I understand if you can’t or don’t want to come and you don’t need to feel obligated to tell me why you can’t come. I will be no less sad about you coming because I know that my party is the same day as your friend Megan’s Botox party. Or because I know that your two-year-old has a pressing tumbling class to attend. Or maybe you just know you’re going to have a long week and all you want is one damn weekend to yourself. Maybe your favorite show just came out on Netflix and your plans involve a lot of binge-watching and brownies and ordering your own pizza.

I like you and I’ll be a little bit sad that you can’t be there but hey, the party will go on. I won’t get all butt hurt about why you can’t or don’t want to come.

you'll miss my sweet dances moves but I forgive you
you’ll miss my sweet dances moves but I forgive you

I also won’t say OH EM GEE WHY CAN’T YOU COME?!?! when I see your decline post (or get your decline text message or voicemail) without giving me a reason. That’s your own damn business. You don’t owe me an explanation and I won’t make it weird when you don’t give me one. I might say that I’ll miss you but duh. Because friendship.

I don’t understand why we all feel the need to validate our absences. Is this a new thing or has this been happening since the dawn of time? Regardless of whether you decline because you can’t or don’t want to come, your reason is your own and your excuse is valid. There. Done.

So go ahead, decline your invitation to my most important party of forever (or you know, don’t) but do it guilt-free and “courtesy”-free and don’t worry about telling me why. Whatever your reason, it’s okay by me and I completely understand.

And for what it’s worth, I can’t wait to see the videos of your dog’s cello concert or your kid’s tumbling class when you post about it later. I’m going to like the shit out of that post.