/rant My marriage is younger than, not less than

I get that you’ve been married longer than me, and in some cases you’ve been married longer than I’ve been alive, but please stop insinuating that my five year old relationship will not be considered strong or viable until we’ve reached some sort of “been through some shit and some years” milestone.

This isn’t me in my youth, convinced I have done and will do everything right, or convinced I know everything I need to know. This is me asking you to consider how much you appreciated patronizing messages when you were younger.

You’ve seen things and been through things that we haven’t experienced but will, things we hope to never experience, and in many cases things we can’t even fathom. I respect what you’ve been through but it is not my story.

usMy marriage will go through hard times. I understand that. I am not naive. I do not think we will live in a rainbow land of warm fuzzy feelings for the rest of forever. I am aware that my marriage is still young but that does not mean that our story is one without struggle or turmoil. I promise you, in just five years, we too have been through some shit. Publicly and privately. In our personal lives, our professional lives, and even in our relationship.

Maybe you don’t mean it as patronizing but it comes off that way.

Don’t laugh and tell me to get back to you in 20 years. Don’t tell me my opinions on marriage are invalid because of how relatively new it still is. Don’t compare your marriage to mine and belittle the relationship we have built and continue to build.

Just tell me you wish the best for my marriage. Tell me you have advice for certain things if I ever want it. Tell me things you might’ve done differently. Tell me that you will support us through any tough times ahead and tell me that you would love to share in our joy when things are good.

I love my husband. I love my imperfect relationship. And I work really really hard to make my marriage work. Don’t invalidate that.

Be the wise, experienced, and supportive married person you wish you had when you were in my shoes.

Stop belittling us, and start lifting us up.

>cue Josh Groban<

 

On talking to people that are different

I float around a pretty liberal crowd (shocking, I know), so I’m used to operating in an inclusive space. Unfortunately, that’s not the same for everyone. Fortunately, our society is slowly coming around to embracing differences and erring on the side of inclusion.

Mostly.

There’s still plenty of shitty people in the world.

I’ve noticed there’s a lot of discussion on the interwebz about how much all of this inclusion can confuse the people in our society.

I’m not entirely ignorant, I know that approaching someone that looks/sounds/smells different from you can cause some anxiety if you’re used to existing in a lovely, homogenous, little bubble.

So I made this handy dandy little comic to help you out. It doesn’t cover all the bases; it’s more of a Getting Started Guide for you to use going forward.

I got you.

be a decent person

The paper anniversary

Earlier this month, David and I celebrated one full year of marriage together. A conversation the day before went a little something like this:

Me: So we’ve been married a full year now.

David: Yup.

Me: That’s pretty weird right?

David: Umm… no? It’s what I expected.

Me: Right. But. It’s still weird.

-crickets-

Me: Know what I’m saying?

David: No. I really don’t.

You see? Even though we’re married, sometimes David still doesn’t get me. WHATEVER, DAVID.

Anyway, to celebrate I made him the greatest print he will ever receive ever. As the first anniversary is traditionally the paper anniversary, I thought it only right to whip out my mad art skills and present him with a piece that will one day hang in museums to be sure. It’s a pretty accurate depiction of how things roll in our house.

marriagefinalrgb2

 

We’re pretty complex people.

Happy Anniversary (again) hot stuff. I look forward to annoying you forever and ever amen.