Category Archives: Health

Your period product slogan is useless to me

Recently, I realized I have quite a few tweets and blog posts about my period. Aunt Flo. The Red Witch. At first I thought “Hey, that’s strange” and then I remembered Bleedy McVagina Bleedytime happens approximately every 35 days. Just under a dozen times each year. And it’s been happening in that fashion for 17 years. THAT’S A LOT OF YEARS. And at best guess, I’ve got another 17 or so to go. So whatever, I’m going to talk about it. All the time. Basically it’s what I talk about now. I’m just going to write a book about all the shit that I do or don’t do during my period. Chapter 1: Why is it so Damn Hot in This Room?

In recent period news, my feminine hygieneproduct container made me scoff this week. I don’t understand why Always touts the ability to “wear what you want” thanks to the new design of their products. That’s really not anything impressive or exciting.

It’s my period. You know what I want to wear? Sweatpants. And also pajama pants. But mostly sweatpants.

For 5 days every 35, my ability to dress like a respectable human goes out the window. It’s all elastic waistbands and loose cotton. And it’s super cozy.

I am not concerned with whether or not a pad or a tampon or pantiliner is discrete.

Things I’m concerned with:
1. Where did all of the dark chocolate go?
2. Should I try that new pizza place or just order from the usual?
3. Is this a double cheeseburger or single cheeseburger kind of day?
4. Why is everything on the news so sad?
5. I should adopt another dog.
6. My friends are so special and I just love them so much.
7. Where did I put the ibuprofen?
8. Why is sleeping through the night impossible?
9. Is it like, 100 degrees in this apartment or is that just me?
10. I should eat healthier. Tomorrow.
11. Are my favorite sweatpants clean?
12. Will my neighbors notice I’ve been wearing the same sweatpants for days?
13. I should take a nap on my lunch break.
14. How can I convince my husband to make dinner?
15. Can I just lay in this bed for the next five days?

Things I’m NOT concerned with:
1. Wearing anything tight enough for a stranger to know I’m on my period. Actually, I’m not going to do that regardless of whether or not I’m on my period. I mean shit, how tight are your pants that people can tell you’re wearing a pad or pantiliner anyway?
2. Whether or not people know if I have my period. Is me having my period uncomfortable for you? That’s unfortunate. You know what else is uncomfortable? A PLASTIC APPLICATOR INSIDE YOUR VAGINA. YEA. I SAID IT.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to pause my bitching long enough to go eat all the chocolate in the house. Come to me, sugary goodness. I will shelter you in my belly and you will sing lullabies to my uterus.

uterus

Sometimes being female isn’t all it’s cracked up to be

I started hormonal birth control when I was 14 (and just for the record, it didn’t make me want to have wild and unprotected sex). I spent my high school and college years with clear skin and a period that was easy breezy. I would happily go to cheerleading or track practice while on myContinue Reading

Shaving my head for charity

One month from today I’m shaving my head. Well, I’m not shaving my head. My friend and hair stylist Jody is shaving my head. But still, the head shaving is happening. Why? To raise money for St. Baldrick’s foundation. I’ve watched numerous friends and family members go through cancer, including my own husband, and I’mContinue Reading

My healthy living story

My healthy living story

This post was originally written for and posted on the Geeked Out Fitness blog. Recently, someone on Twitter asked me how I got into living healthy and making my fitness a priority. I started to respond and then I realized that my story was going to take up much more than 40 characters so I wrote somethingContinue Reading

New year’s resolutions

New year’s resolutions

This post was originally written for and posted on the Geeked Out Fitness blog. It’s a new month and a new year and you know what that means: New Year’s Resolutions! This past week I took the time to ask you on Facebook what resolutions you were  making this year and how you were planning on sticking toContinue Reading

Eating better plan of action

Eating better plan of action

I’ve spent a lot of time in the past month or two saying I’m going to start eating better. I’m going to make better lunches. I’m going to cook dinner more often. I’m going to do a lot of awesome, wonderful, organized things. Except I never did any planning. And as you may know, lots ofContinue Reading

How to conquer a plateau

How to conquer a plateau

So there you are: eating well, working out, minding your own business when all of the sudden your body stops changing. Your weight loss comes to a screeching halt and/or your body fat percentage stays remarkably the same. The scale has become your new sworn enemy because clearly it is full of lies and deceit.Continue Reading

Oral health (stop giggling)

Let’s talk about those bones in your mouth. hehe. Okay, in all seriousness, for some reason there isn’t much chatter in the healthy blogging world about how much of an impact your oral hygiene can have on your overall health. We’ve all heard it’s important but what do we really know? How important is it? Let’s consider theContinue Reading