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Category Archives: Failventures

Failventures: frozen Greek yogurt

Greek yogurt is kind of a big deal these days. Everyone with an interest in healthy eating is all about Greek yogurt. And — unlike other hip health foods — it’s not totally disgusting (I’m looking at you, coconut water). It’s chock full of protein, incredibly filling, and you could try a new Greek yogurt recipe every day for the rest of your life and still not try them all.

Peoples be loving the Greek yogurt.

So, as a person with an obsession for frozen yogurt and a desire to eat healthier whenever I can, I’ve dabbled a bit in using Greek yogurt to make my own frozen yogurt concoctions at home. Some of them are great (peanut butter yogurt omnomnom) and some of them… well some of them are failventures…

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After stalking Pinterest for my standard 500 hours a week, I had two brilliant ideas I decided to tackle. Watermelon frozen yogurt and chocolate frozen yogurt.

They sound delicious, right?!

IMG_7279Re: Watermelon

There’s a zillion recipes online that call for mixing some variant of a Jello powder (or Jello) with Greek yogurt.

Re: Chocolate

There’s a zillion recipes online that call for mixing Nesquik with Greek yogurt.

The interesting thing about both of these is that it seems people on specific diets (South Beach, maybe?) and diabetics have a lot of input. They’re big on making these two things happen in a sugar-free kind of way. I have no interest in using either sugar-free Jello or sugar-free Nesquik.

Sugar-free is not my jam. I’ll occasionally get down with sugar-free if it’s sweetened with Stevia but even then it’s a stretch. I eat regular, wild and crazy, white sugar. I know that as far as the blogging world is concerned sugar is basically the devil and whatever, but I’m fine with sugar. To a certain point. I’m not going to be eating your “fruit flavored” yogurt with 32 grams of sugar in it. Hard pass. But sugar in moderation is fine by me. I’m not a fan of fake sweeteners and I have no reason to use them because I have no dietary restrictions regarding sugar.


So anyway, if you take a gander online you can find a plethora of recipes for both strategies. Some people mix other things in, some people use actual Jello instead of the packet, some people cook the Jello or Nesquik powder with water before mixing, some people wear the containers on their heads as tiny hats (you do you, bro). There’s a lot of suggestions and I decided that since I’m not particularly fancy I would go ahead and keep it simple. I was just going to mix the powders into the Greek yogurt.

Not the same Greek yogurt. That would be weird.

And so…

I used one container of Greek yogurt because I didn’t want to make a bunch of either flavor and end up throwing a bunch out. I have a knack for making too much of stuff only when it’s really gross.

Then, because the internet can’t agree on any guidelines here, I made up my own numbers (#idowhatiwant). I mixed 3 oz of Greek yogurt with ½ tbsp of watermelon Jello powder, then did the same with the Nesquik.IMG_7295IMG_7300

I really wanted to make popsicles but apparently the world doesn’t make popsicle molds that I can buy out in the world anymore, so I took over one of our ice trays. I let the yogurt cubes sit in the freezer for one episode of The Daily Show and two episodes of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt before giving them a whirl.

Fun fact: ice trays and frozen yogurt don’t quite mix. To get the yogurt cubes out I maybe had to use a very sharp knife and maybe almost broke the ice tray and maybe almost stabbed myself.

IMG_7318I tried the chocolate and David tried the watermelon.

It occurs to me that I didn’t actually need to freeze them before trying the flavor and I could’ve saved myself a lot of trouble had I thought of this prior to right now.


The chocolate tasted mostly like bitter and plain Greek yogurt but sometimes with chocolate hints. For a non-sugar-free chocolate powder it sure tasted pretty unsugar-y. It wasn’t good enough to eat another one (or to make more) but it also wasn’t so bad that I didn’t finish it.

The watermelon tasted like bitter watermelon powder. David said I could try it if I wanted, but I decided just to take his word for it. He then spit out what he was eating and left the rest to melt in the sink. The rest will be melted along with the remaining chocolate bits. Too bad chocolate and Jello aren’t good for dogs. Chewy would love these things…

So basically, they were both gross and I’m glad I only wasted one container of Greek yogurt on the experiment. I’m also glad I gave it a whirl. The peanut butter Greek yogurt experiment was a resounding success in this household and I just know there’s more ways I can turn this tub of probiotics into delicious desserts.

I think I might try an actual recipe line-by-line for one of these things some day when I’m ready to get back on the frozen Greek yogurt cubes horse again but I think I’m going to need some time to recover.

And by recover, I mean stuff my face with the professionally-made frozen Greek yogurt in my fridge (with lots of chocolate chips and maybe some coconut flakes).