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Monthly Archives: September 2013

Queueing for dummies

As you might have heard (if you’re connected with me via social media), I had a blast at Baltimore Comic-Con earlier this month. I met a ton of fun, interesting, and funny people. From artists to cosplayers, I was completely soaking up the experience. It was a pretty fantastic weekend except for one horrible, terrible thing that would not stop happening.

Dumb people.

I know. I shudder too. They’re everywhere. And when you go to a convention center for a convention that pulls in populations in the thousands you’re bound to run into some dumb people yourself. What I didn’t expect was to encounter the same frustration two days in a row, around the same time, with two different sets of people.

Have you ever had to stand in a line before? With ropes?

I know, it can get pretty complicated.

Why are these ropes here? What are they trying to tell me? Do I really need to listen to the rules implied by the ropes? Can I just do whatever I want to do? WHY WON’T ANYONE ANSWER ALL OF MY QUESTIONS ABOUT QUEUEING?


Let me help you.

Exhibit A: The Empty Queue


Check out those ropes. They’re pretty wacky right? Crissing and crossing and winding around like some sort of maniac ropes. Maybe you find these crossed ropes confusing if you’re the first person there. You take a second to assess the situation, find the entrance to the setup, and act accordingly. First person? Just step to the front and order. Anything other than the first person? Well you’d better wind your ass accordingly through that queue. In case you don’t know what that should look like, I maintain that I’m here to help.

Exhibit B: The Proper Queue


Maybe you thought the ropes didn’t make sense – but look – they do! Look at how many people you can fit in that queue while staying in the ropes and not impacting the ENTIRE REST OF THE FLOOR OF THE CONVENTION CENTER. Isn’t that super awesome? It’s an S curve (for Sabrina!) to maximize the use of space and maintain some orderliness in the queue. The key here is to utilize all of the available space within the ropes. The ropes aren’t a light suggestion, they are a serious guideline to allow you understand your own space in queue and your relationship to others in queue.

Respect the queue.

Do you know what happens when you don’t respect the queue?

Exhibit C: You’re All Morons

Do you see that nonsense? Do you see how this winding rope guideline that took at least FIVE WHOLE MINUTES to set up is just completely ignored and underutilized? It’s kind of sad isn’t it? Maybe you’re just really big on standing in a straight line. Maybe you remember from middle school that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line and you think that this will help you get to your mocha-java-pumpkin-spice-no-foam-double-shot-extra-pigfat-latte quicker. Pro tip: it won’t. And now, because you’re all morons intent on maintaining as straight of a line as possible, there’s a queue forming outside of the ropes. And the queue is impeding traffic around it. And the people outside of the ropes end up snaking and squirreling and winding all obnoxious-like because they don’t have the structure of the ropes. THEY’RE OUT OF CONTROL.

I tried really hard both days to make the rest of the people queued up for coffee follow me to the ends of the ropes but it just wasn’t happening…

Follow me to victory!
Follow me to victory!

I would take a wide step to the outside and the rest of the people maintained their stupid, squished line. They looked at me like I was a total nut job. HELP ME HELP YOU, PEOPLE. I know I probably looked weird stepping five feet away from the person in front of me and off to the side but if you lemmings would have stopped to think about why I was doing it, we all could have benefitted. But not, you remained. And you judged me for being weird.

Well FYI queueing morons, I won’t let you hold me down.

I’m going to respect the queue. And for the sanity of me and – well okay probably just me – I hope that you decide to respect the queue too.

Or else.